Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
