well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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