sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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