drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
