We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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