The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
