Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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