Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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