So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
