i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
