did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's like iHOP with fire
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
