dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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