I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
