You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i barfeds in our rink
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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