Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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