Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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