I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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