I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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