Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
