Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
