I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So many bounce houses so little time
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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