Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
