I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
