Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
