I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
