I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
