I showed him my bush... on skype.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
