OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
