i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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