For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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