I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
