The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
