No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
