in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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