I faked an abortion last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
