In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
