FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
