just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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