We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
