My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
