I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
