the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
sex in a hospital.. check
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
