I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
