i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
