I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's shark week go big or go home
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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