Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
