No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
