dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
