Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
