you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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