I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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