Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
