I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
