he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
