so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
