it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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