The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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