also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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