dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
