I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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