This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
