I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
