I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
