so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
