After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize