Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
