y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
