Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just gift wrapped bread.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
