i don't like sucking hair
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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