friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
