dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
