yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
