Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That was before I lit my hair on fire
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize