did you get engaged???
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
