Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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