you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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