I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
