I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
