I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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