Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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